Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
