So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
