the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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