I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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