My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
