i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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