Someone shit on the floor
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
