from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
