Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
