If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize