omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
