Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
