BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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