I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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