The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
