I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
