Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you never un-have a 4some
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
