you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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