I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
