Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
