I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
