no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize