why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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