Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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