I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
