Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize