Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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