ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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