If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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