Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
