If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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