i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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