dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
did i just pee glitter
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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