can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
