Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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