I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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