I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
