Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
