There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
