Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
