i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
