i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
