Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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