Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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