I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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