You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
