Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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