I faked an abortion last night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize