i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
