she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
