By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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