i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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