May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
