Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
