sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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