I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
