i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
