Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
