Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
