false alarm. still invincible.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
