We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
