I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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