i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
