I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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