I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The air taste purple.
Randomize
