I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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