I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
