If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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