using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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