It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
