eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
